Questions

Today was a beautiful day!!! I love days like today and it's so weird that we're getting so many like this in winter! But, like my mood here lately...I will take it!!!

Today, Sunday, of course, we were in church. I absolutely love our praise and worship band. I have always loved music, but there is just so much emotion and feeling that come out when singing praises to our Heavenly Father. I love that I can look down at Landon (I've decided to just go ahead and use names) and see him singing the songs too! I believe that child is going to have a musical talent...but that's another story.

 Alan leaned over to me to today and said something very thought provoking today. He said, "There's no telling where we would be now if it wasn't for this little church." Oh my goodness. I remember like it was yesterday the day we decided to find a church home.

I grew up in church. My mother and I attended Sunday mornings, I went to AWANAS, I went to youth group...I loved church...I was saved at an early age. However, when I started college I slowly slipped away from those roots. I, like many college kids had my "wild and crazy days." Thank God I never found myself in a sever car wreck, bar fight, or jail...even though I forgot about God, he never forgot about me! That is a testimony to his unending love and grace for us! Anyway, Alan and I had been married a little over a year, and Landon was not quite a year old, and whether it was hormones, or just God shouting at me, I was a very unhappy person. I was angry, I was bitter, I spoke my mind, and picked alot of fights. My sweet husband wanted the old me back. I saw my doctor, got back on my anti-depressants, but nothing really seemed to change. One of our neighbors continuously asked Alan for us to join him at his church. A friend of mine, who, at the time attended the same church, was also urging me to come with her. Finally, one morning as I stood in the bathroom having a breakdown, Alan just held me and said, "Maybe we should get back in church. Do you think you would find your happiness there?" It hit me like a ton a bricks. Part of me wanted to say, "How dare you...don't judge me..." but a bigger part of me said, "YESSSSSS!"

So, the very next Sunday we visited Legacy Church. Immediately, we felt at home. Everyone was so welcoming...there were even people there we already knew...had known for years...how had I been so long without that companionship and fellowship? Life almost instantly changed. I don't know when, or how, but bam...I was happy. Thank God! For the sake of my marriage, for the sake of my children, thank God! So...like he said, who knows where we would be if it weren't for that little church!

A friend of mine and I were talking one day about questions like that..."what might have been..." That can sometimes cause some problems inside your head if you dwell too much on it. I am just so happy that I know, without a doubt that I married an honest, hardworking, God loving, faithful husband and that we are exactly where we are because of God's love and grace. We have three healthy, beautiful children, even though they try our patience, we have a roof over our head, even though we are constantly looking for another, we have food on the table, even though sometimes it's only scrambled egg sandwiches, we have vehicles to drive, even though there's chocolate milk stains on the roof, and we love each other with all of our hearts.

Today after church we attended a benefit lunch for an elderly man Alan grew up knowing. As we pulled up to the little gym it was being held at we were overwhelmed by the amount of cars in the parking lot. We stepped inside and wow! So many people were there, eating, visiting, and smiling. It was wonderful. There was a ton of food and lots of items being auctioned off, all to benefit this man who had obviously impacted all of these people in one way or another. How special is that?!?! Events like that will spark another question in your mind that I think we shouldn't dwell on...what would it be like if it were me. And, once again, maybe I'm the only morbid one who thinks like this, but probably not. We've probably all been to a funeral where there was standing room only and so many people stood up to have so many nice things to say about the deceased and thought to ourselves, "What if it was me? How many people would come to my funeral? What would they say about me?" I decided back in the sixth grade when my aunt was killed in Murrah Bombing that I wanted to leave a legacy like her's. So many times I heard, "She was friends with everyone...she was always smiling." Well...that's hard to do! Then, another funeral, I had the thought again, because they talked about how great the woman was at raising her children in the Word. I'm trying! Anyway, today I thought to myself, what would people do if it were me? What if I was sick and had costly medical bills? Would they turn their head and say oh well, or would they pull together, put something like that together and all gather in honor of me, trying to help out?

Now, I'm not saying I want to be nice to people and fake a smile to make people like me so that lots of people will come to my funeral or help pay my medical bills. I'm just saying, I hope and pray that I'm that kind of person...the kind of person people love and actually have great memories of. I want to strive for postive-ness, in my life, my marriage, my home, and my children.

Wow...I had some deep thoughts again tonight. I think it's time for me to rest my brain...tomorrow's MONDAY!!! I can't wait to see what it brings...bill paying for one I know...yuck!

Until tomorrow...

Terra